A yellow light bright as a glass bell. Immense sand dunes ripple and hiss like enormous crashing waves. I shuffle through this desert ocean, all around is a dense fog, the stinging mist of oblivion, a void of utter absence.
As a pupa I pulse with the viscous slime of biological life, convulsing, struggling to be discharged from this orifice. Breaching the introitus of life, protruding flagella-like limbs flailing, grasping, gasping for air, spat out in repulsive revulsion. Congealed, twisted, bubbled foam secretions of foul blood and phlegm. Unresponsive eyeball dilated down on steel vent, dripping in the sweat and plasma, in the secretions of prior death. Neurons fire and the oxygenated blood slides in my veins. The heart pumps. My body, the ruin of my body, splutters to life.
Now with water dripping down my chin I take stock of the damage. In the shower, that place where we so commonly find ourselves between thought and reality. Still weak as a kitten I twist off the taps and gingerly step out of the cubical. I look at myself in the mirror and I am shocked. So shocked I start to cry. I am gaunt, a hollow man. I was a good looking boy once. Oh my god! I don’t even recognise myself. I am covered in sores and bruises nearly everywhere on my face. Whole sections of the top of my head are hairless. I towel off delicately and slip into a light cotton robe that has been supplied to me. Edging my way back over to the bed I sit down.
There is a hand on my shoulder. I look up. It is the strong girl from before. She pulls up a chair close to me.
“Oh my god. Oh my god …” I say between tears.
She reaches out and touches my knee.
“What am I going to do?”
She doesn’t answer immediately but after a while says.
“You made it. You won Joseph.”
“I won.” I say merely repeating the words, like they mean nothing at all. “Look at me! Oh my god. How will I ever recover?”
“You will.” She says. “You will. In time with our help. You will be whole again Joseph and strong and healthy. You will. You’ll be surprised at how resilient you really are. But now you must rest and eat and drink. C’mon lie down on the bed.”
She arranges the pillows for me and helps me into a supine position. I look out the window. It must be afternoon sometime. There is no one about. A yellow and black bird flutters down onto the planter box right next to the window and pecks at a flower bud. The girl moves over to me, takes my hand and gives it a light squeeze.
“A Goldfinch!” She says with excitement. “First one I’ve seen all year. It is a sign Joseph.”
I wonder to myself what it is a sign of but don’t articulate this thought, instead I simply take in the creature, its short sharp movements and incredible dexterity. It fires off three loud rapid chirps, then as quickly as it arrived, it speeds off - to harass another flower no doubt.
Life.
i'm 73 ........ my GF is 50 haha . I do not take any daily medicines and am physically fit . BUT,
have a back issue that still can't figure out . Livable. Except that after all i have been through over my life... i just wanted to be pain free (and stress free) for a few years . Hmmmpfff
Doesn't seem to work out that way.... this thing called life. ( even rich and famous all screwed up )
I'll read your stuff from time to time............ as you tell us more about what goes on in your life and thoughts. I have lots of advice ( still unused.... new in package. Because nobody ever wants it .)
All have to find their own thing, i guess :-)
cheers
Yep ....... One day ( after many thousands of days..... but they are gone . Like the meal I ate yesterday. Gone )
One day , I wake up and the mirror says . "welcome to old age "
hmmmmmm